Being Organic (.Net)

My men's group started a weekly workout at the gym on Monday nights, and I've committed to join them for 3 months every week doing stretches, lifting weights, etc.  I can really feel it in my core!  In January, I started swimming and doing yoga every week.  Our trainer has encouaged us to work out at least 5 days a week, so I may be adding more to my routine!   On Tuesday I started stretching in another way. I met with business coach, Carolyn Campbell, and got some insights into some ways I operate as a businessman, partner and lover! Carolyn saw a patterns of 'caretaking' in my work and relationships.  Taking care of others seemed to me a natural result of caring about them, but Carolyn pointed out how that may translate into some patterns that don't serve my deepest desires.  There is a difference betweem caretaking and helping others learn better skills for taking care for themselves and living more fully.  This took me several days to fully understand as I consi...

What a great day... playing ping pong and swimming with Caden, enjoying the kids' first flight on an airplane, having lovely conversations with strangers at our hotel, and just relaxing.  At one point, I found myself contemplating the texture of a glass in my hand and enjoying the enhanced spectrum of light from the California sun.  I've been playing a lot more in the past several months, especially with my kids.  I like that.  But this week is ALL play.  We are down at Disneyland this week, keeping our promise to take the kids there after selling our home last summer.  And it feels great to be here relaxing for a long stretch of time.  I had even decided to leave my computer at home (upon my daughter's request), but Nicole insisted we bring it in case we wanted to look up area attractions.  I actually find writing both relaxing and enjoyable, and I don't usually make enough time for it back home, so I've enjoyed having it along too.  Besides which, I owe a friend a...

I feel powerless to help my friend.  I care about her so much, and she is suffering right now, but I live too far away to help.   It's only advice that she needs, and an ear, but we operate in such different context.  I don't know what to say!  I'm a pioneer exploring the new world of relationships, commitment, and fidelity.  And while I can't really know for sure, my friend still lives in the old world of monogamy-oriented relationships... what I think of as the 'ownership paradigm' of relationships.     My friend is wondering how my sweetie and I managed to stay together for 20 years with the kinds of struggles she is now experiencing in her own relationship.  Her partner just isn't feeling physically attracted to her right now (not feeling 'in love' either) and hasn't for a while.  I've experienced that for long stretches of time.  I think many couples have.  Because of the disparity in our sexual interest, I've practically been tr...

The funny thing about being organic is that our molecules are always rearranging themselves for a different mix, which often translates into a different mood... when we are not fixed on maintaining the mood we're in, it's amazing how quickly our outlook can shift... instant to instant.  I feel good this morning.  The sun is shining... yes, it's still spring out there.  My boy woke up crying, and my partner and I comforted him. He wouldn't tell us what was wrong, and we suspect he is upset that he wet the bed.  So much shame there.  I hates to admit it.  He prefers to say that he 'sweated'... a lot!  I suspect he feels ashamed because he is not in control of his body.  Because he knows that we don't want him to wet the bed.  We are gracious about it, but it's a mess we have to clean up so we always encourage him to pee before bed to avoid wetting it (our son drinks a lot of water).  "We don't want you to wet the bed" we say.  "I won...

Today was a perfectly dreadful day.   It did not rank anywhere near my harshest of days, but it was harsh enough. It was an example of how at time my relationship seems like the quintessential Gordian Knot of torture and suffering.   My partner does not want to hear anything about it. She knows I had a tough day. She could tell when I got home.   What's up she asks.   Just  a rough day, I say.   Kids?   No.  They're fine.  It was a good day for them. What then? It's just spring, I say.   What does that mean, she wonders.  It makes no sense to her, and of course it would not.  For me, spring is the hardest and most wonderful time of year... the time when I feel most alive in my body and most dead because of my partnership... the time when I am most aware of myself as a vibrant sexual animal, frisky and playful and ready to get down, to get it on.  And the time when I am most aware of all the beautiful people around me who are not interested in me because I am already partner...

I'm feeling sad right now.  My heart aches and I pine for a friend whom I would love to be more intimate with. But that is not where she is at.  I so want to reach out to my friend, yet I also understand that grasping in any form only pushes her away.  She has pulled back so much already for reasons I can only guess at, and the loss of her friendly banter feels like an open wound in my heart.   I  am tempted to run away from these feelings, to distract myself with work or sex.  I tell myself I am seeking to honor her, but I wonder if perhaps she simply wants someone who will pursue her more strongly.  What a difficult dance is love as engagement and detachment!   I do not know how to do it, other than through transparency, revealing who I am as authentically as I can.  I have sought to continue to be open to engaging playfully with life, to seeing other people, mostly to assure her I respect her choices, but I so want to grab her and shake her and tell her how awesome she is and ho...